dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
