My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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