i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
