didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
