I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
