Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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