I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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