First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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