upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
