Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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