I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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