bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Holy sore nipples Batman
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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