Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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