there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
