We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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