oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
