we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
