Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize