I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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