i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
