If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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