What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize