They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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