one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
