I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
