We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
