I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
