We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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