Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
