its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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