I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
