If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
