singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Green mimosas i think yes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
