I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
