I'm really into asian looking animals
thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
