He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize