I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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