Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
