Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
