we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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