Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
