A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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