woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
