My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
