i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
