He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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