I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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