You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
