real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
