when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
