It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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