Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize