from now on my penis is your penis
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
