i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
