I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
