The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
