There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize