If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
