Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize