: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wanna go halves on a baby?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
