More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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