the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize