the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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