saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
