It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
