I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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