Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
