well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
