Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
