i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
