That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
