I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
