Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
