but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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