My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
