Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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