I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
