This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
