His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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