I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
