Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
