Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
worst night to have a conscience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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