Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
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