Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Randomize
