Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
